Unintentional Promiscuity

What? Untintentional promiscuity? Is there such???

I tell you there is! J

Wikipedia defines promiscuity as sex with relatively many partners.

Now, indulging in promiscuous acts involves conscious decision and active effort. In short, there is intent to engage in such activity. I call this as intentional promiscuity. So then if there is such a thing as intentional promiscuity, there must also be an unintentional promiscuity.

Intentionally promiscuous men are those who are in the habit of having sex with random men just for the purpose of satisfying their sexual needs.  When you go to gay dating sites, they are typically the ones with very suggestive headlines, steamy pictures, and sexually inviting write ups. So here, we see that the intention is to have sex, for the reason of satisfying sexual needs.

On the other hand, unintentionally promiscuous men usually do not actually claim or see themselves as promiscuous. I personally coin the term “unintentional promiscuity” to refer to such situation of homosexual and bisexual men having a series of multiple sexual partners, but without the original intention of being such.  Unintentionally promiscuous men would often maintain that sex was not really their primary intention; it just happened.  Sounds ridiculous? Probably not.  Why? How come?

Somehow, there is some truth to that.  Unintentional promiscuity can happen to anyone. Particularly among discreet gay and bi men, there is that universal longing for someone to fill that empty spot within. This longing for love and affection is strong and enduring.  It is felt as a need to have someone special. However, finding a decent, “perfect” male partner/lover to fulfill that emotional need is difficult.  Finding the perfect guy is quite impossible. This is particularly true to choosy ones who set high and stiff standards on who and how their partner should be. This leads them into attempts at finding and establish a worthwhile relationship with a nice guy that comes along, which more oftenly involves sex. However, more often than not, things fail and the cycle continues again. Guy after another guy… trying, looking, hoping… wishing the best guy to fulfill that longing for someone special to complete and fill that empty spot within would come. And before long, the number of guys stacks up.  So does that now becomes a case of promiscuity? Yes, definitely. Done intentionally? Apparently not.

So is this difference significant? Does this difference sets one a better state than the other? Would a red-colored shirt look different from a white shirt that fell on a basin of red dye? You decide. :)

A Thin Line

            One thing that seems peculiar among homosexual and bisexual men is the thin boundary that separates pure platonic friendship and romantic-sexual relationship.  In many discreet homosexuals, it is not uncommon to have “friends with benefit” and “fuck buddies” as they are called. They claim that sex between friends does not necessarily involve emotion. It is but having a “release” of pent up sexual urges with someone familiar rather than hooking up with a stranger on a “one night stand” basis. This set up further gives the benefit of security, safety, and confidentiality, etc. without having to worry about sexually transmitted diseases, risk of pregnancy, and compatibility, among other issues associated with random sex. It can be expected that sex with a random stranger for the sake of having sex is nothing but a pure physical interaction meant to satisfy the cravings for sexual pleasure.  However, I personally doubt if periodic sex with a “friend” does not really involve emotions.  

Among many, what happens is either romance occurs first followed by a bloom of friendship or vice versa.  On one hand, through the initial sexual attraction and sexual encounter a friendship can be born.  On the other hand, an existing friendship may pave the way to the benefits of mutually enjoying sexual pleasures.

            So why does romantic friendship exist? Most probably, this occurs due to the fact that since bisexual and homosexual men are sexually attracted to their fellow men, a male friend can be at times become a potential object of sexual desire, given the right and favorable circumstance. And since men are generally primarily sexually-motivated, sexual interactions can occur easily. However, to be fair enough, whether this desire consummates to the sexual act is still subject to one’s self-control, discipline, and personal values.

Differing opinions exist regarding this matter.  Some say it is okay as long as you don’t get hurt or hurt anyone in the process as sex is a basic human need and needs to be enjoyed, while others say it is but a sign of moral looseness and sexual depravity. Others also maintain that having a regular “FUBU” friend is a better alternative to being promiscuous.  Whichever the case maybe, clearly, there is but a thin line that separates pure friendship and romantic friendship, particularly among male homosexuals and bisexuals. Is this good or bad? Is sex between friends okay? You be the judge. It’s totally up to you to decide, depending on your perspectives, beliefs, and philosophies in life.

Just a thought about love and pain

I have come to a conclusion that one of the most compelling emotions humans, particularly discreet gay men, harbor is the longing for someone to love and be loved in return. This can motivate and push them to do just about anything to have this emotional need fulfilled even to the point of getting hurt. Why?

Nothing compares to the blissful feeling of being so much in love despite how equally severe the pain that may come with it. However, how worse the pain might be, love is patient, love is kind, love forgives and forgets, and love accepts... unconditionally. Occurrences of painful experiences, fights, and misunderstandings can be expected every now and then. But what is important at the end of the day, you find each other wrapped in each other's arms, to mend and heal, to build and grow, and give each other reassurance, comfort, and security that banish all the pain away. Then wake up each morning with renewed spirit and vigor to face life together no matter what.

Being in love is wonderful.  After all, to love and to be loved is still the greatest human experience! :)