Three Things That Only Feel Like Love But Are Far From It

Author: Francis K. Githinji (an online dating expert)

Shared by a reader of Discreet Yuppies™

Love is a tricky emotion. There are some things that feel like love but they are much too superficial to be the real thing. Real love takes time and doesn’t happen over night. Here are three things that people often confuse for love.

Lust

Lust is the feeling that is often mistaken for love at first sight. Lust is an intense and sudden attraction to somebody you hardly know. It is mistaken for love because the attraction is so strong.


Lust can feel like love because the feelings of attraction are strong and all-consuming. The emotions stirred up by lust can feel very real but they are based on a fantasy. To love somebody you must know them well but many people fall in lust while they are still strangers. What people in lust fall for is a fantasy of what might be and reality can get lost in the excitement.

Overwhelmed by physical attraction people in lust can’t keep their hands off of each other. They think about each other constantly and talk about one another all the time. Lust is a happy feeling brought on by passionate attraction. If you are inexperienced in matters of the heart it is very easy to mistake all that passion for love.

Lust differs from love like night differs from day. Lust happens in the early phase of a relationship when people don’t yet know each other. Lust is based on a fantasy, and the fantasy and reality don’t always mesh up. This is where lust runs out of steam.

Although physical attraction is definitely a key ingredient in any romantic relationship, love is more than just a physical longing. If a relationship is all about physical attraction it is based on lust. Really loving another person takes time and it can’t be based on physical attraction alone.

Obsession

Obsessions are often mistaken for love because people rationalize the crazy feelings they are having. They assume that it must be love if the other person is always on their mind. Obsession is similar to lust but it is much more misleading and destructive. While lust is often fleeting, fading as two people come to know each other better, obsession sticks around.


The more time and effort invested in an unhealthy obsession the more intense the obsession can become. People in an obsessed state have a one track mind where the other person is concerned and they often lose touch with who they are as an individual. This loss of individuality creates a vicious circle of behavior where the obsessed person grows more and more dependant on the other person to bolster their sense of self.

Even unrequited love, love that is not returned, can become an overwhelming obsession. When one person believes they are in a relationship that doesn’t really exist, or when one person is more invested in an existing relationship than the other, the foundation for an obsession has been laid.

Real love is nurturing and helps people grow but obsession is debilitating. If you feel like you have lost yourself, if you are always striving to please your partner without them doing the same for you, and if you find yourself making all decisions in your life based on the feelings and needs of the other person you could be dealing with obsession.

Rebounding

A rebound is a relationship that starts up very quickly after another relationship has ended. Rebounds are rarely based on love but are really a way of alleviating the loneliness people feel when a relationship ends.
Rebounding can feel like love for the simple reason that the people involved want to be in love. They are used to the security of being in love and more than anything else they want to feel that security again. They convince themselves that they are in love when they are actually missing the safety and comfort of the relationship they left behind.

If an old relationship keeps interfering with the progress of a new relationship it could mean that the relationship is a rebound. When somebody is on the rebound they are not entirely over their previous relationship. They may still be trying to work out unresolved issues from that relationship. Rebound relationships may feel like love but they are still impacted by unsettled feelings from the past.

Body Building Tips to Make You FAT and hot! (Being FAT: The healthier way of life)

FAT men are sexy and attractive. They're hot! And if you want these aesthetic advantages, I say that you should rather be FAT, too! Plus, being FAT is living a healthier way of life. Could I probably be joking??? Definitely not. I am dead serious! JJJ   

Fit And Toned men are beautiful pieces of sculpted work or art -- nice to touch, nice to hold, nice to behold… haha. I’m not trying to be pervy here, ok?  In addition to that, studies show that physically fit men do not only look good, have better self-image and higher  “market value” but generally they also live longer than the average guys. So if you haven’t hopped into the train of physical fitness and muscle training, you better do so.  Not only for the aesthetic and self-image rewards, but for obvious health reasons.

Now here are some quick run-through of very basic but important information about body building. Most of you must have known these by heart. However for those who don’t and for those who need some memory refresher, I hope you will find the following tips and facts useful.

FACTS AND TIPS ON STEADY, GRADUAL MUSCLE GROWTH

·         Key concepts of weight training:

a.        Challenge your muscles so it will adapt by growing! Push them to their limits, but don’t go beyond. Your muscle responds and adapts  to the challenge by growing in size.

b.       Train with intensity. Work out your muscle to exhaustion to give it adequate “challenge” and “stimulation.”

c.        Assist your muscles’ growth with proper nutrition and rest

                                                               i.      Nutrition supplies the muscles what it needs to grow. Eat healthy. Ensure protein in the diet.

                                                              ii.      Rest gives the muscles time to grow.

d.       WORK WITH YOUR BODY, NOT AGAINST YOUR BODY

                                                               i.      Your body is a wonderful machine. It knows what it needs, it tells you when its limits are reached, but it is not like “literal” machines made of metals because it can build and repair itself given the proper “tools,” training, and raw materials.

                                                              ii.      Body building is about being conscious of your body’s dynamics.

                                                            iii.      Be sensitive to your body’s needs.

·         Work out at least three times per week. Overtraining may lead to atrophy (shrinking) of muscles rather than muscle gain.

·         Ideally, you should work out at 1 hour work per session (muscle training proper). Do not go below 30 minutes per session.

·         Do a direct stimulation of a muscle only once per week

·         For every set of movement, keep your repetition at 8-12 reps/set. It is recommended by weight training experts that you do not go below and beyond this, in order to achieve optimal results.

a.        If you find it very easy to accomplish this number of reps, you are using too light a weight. Increase the weight/resistance.

b.       If you find it impossible to reach 8, decrease the weight or the resistance.

·         The recommended number of movement sets per muscle groups vary:

a.        2-4 sets for small muscles such as your biceps, triceps, abs, calves.

b.       5-7 sets for large muscle groups such as those on the thigh, chest, back.

·         Never train for more than 2 consecutive days.

·         Ideally for beginners, train a certain muscle group only once per week.

·         Train the weak body parts first.

·         Train with weights that you can easily lift. As said earlier, too light and too heavy weights/resistance won’t do much good in your training.

·         Male benchmark. The following can serve as your gauge if you have trained adequately enough and have reached healthy, adequate muscle strength.

a.        1 set of 80 push ups

b.       1 set of 20 chin ups

c.        1 set of 20 1-leg squats

d.       1 set of 40 dips

e.       1 set of 20 pull ups.

·         Flip your program upside down every 3 weeks

a.        Large muscle groups first, and vice versa

b.       Small muscles last, or vice versa

·         Nutrition Nutrition Nutrition

a.        As said earlier to gain maximal muscle mass, you need to challenge and tire your muscle to stimulate it to grow. Since muscles are primarily made up of protein (of course along with >70% water, inasmuch as our entire body is) this muscle growth cannot take place optimally if we don’t supply our muscles with its building blocks for growth. Therefore, it is recommended that:

                                                               i.      You consume 1 gram protein/lb body of body weight. So if you weigh 150 pounds, then you should at least consume 150 grams of protein in your diet.

                                                              ii.      Rather than 3 big meals per day, eat 6 small meals per day. It hastens optimal digestion and absorption, and likewise keeps your stomach volume smaller.

                                                            iii.      FYI: a single egg has about 7grams of protein (more or less in 50-50 proportion from egg white and egg yolk).

b.       It is ideal to consume protein food within 90-minutes post-exercise

·         REST

a.        The rest intervals between your training sessions are actually as important as the training periods themselves. Rest allows the muscle to repair and build itself up. This is the basis why it is recommended that you do not train your muscles for two consecutive days.

·         FREE WEIGHTS ARE MORE EFFECTIVE THAN MACHINES!

a.        Machines make your muscles move in certain unnatural positions.

b.       Whereas, free weights not only allows natural muscle movements, but also gives an added advantage of training the body to maintain “stability” during the movements.

·         Movements during exercise should be SLOW, CONTROLLED, and STEADY. Don’t use momentum (speed) as this will defeat your objective of providing maximum resistance, challenge, and stimulation to the muscles.

·         3 best muscle building routines. The more muscles are involved in a certain set, the better! So it follows, compound muscle movements are better than isolated exercises, although the latter is needed for targeted specific muscle growth.

a.        Bench Press

b.       Deadlift

c.        Squat

·         Cardio burns fat: Burn those ugly extra fat by doing short, intense cardio exercises!

·         Employ warm up and cool-down exercises.

I hope that these tips and facts on muscle training have been helpful!  

Always remember, being FAT is healthy and being FAT is sexy! JJJ

The Pain of Letting Go

Warning:  This is an extremely emotionally-heavy article, which you may find boring or even pathetic.  Read at your own risk. J

It was an excruciating, agonizing Thursday night. The sudden, painful realization that I have actually fallen for a friend and the fact that there’s no more chance for us to be together came in such a big surprise when he told me that he is already in a relationship.  What made the pain worse was the fact that it is with a guy that I myself had deliberately introduced a few days earlier.  Right there and then, while I was reading his messages, I felt like a pail of ice cold water was poured down on me.  A bitter mix of emotions of remorse, loss, self-blame, and overwhelming sadness.  It felt like something struck my heart so deeply. I felt so weak and couldn’t react but just stared blankly at my computer screen in disbelief at the emotional anguish I suddenly felt. My finger could barely type a word! My mind was stunned by the overwhelming mix of emotions that are suddenly coming to the surface. Having not seen each other for the past two weeks has intensified my longing to finally see him over the weekend.  However, in the height of my nostalgia, I was struck with news that left me hanging in the air emotionally devastated.

We have known each other for just approximately two and a half months, yet the depth of the relationship felt like I’ve known him for years. It felt like he was the person, a special friend, that I have been longing for.  What we have was an intimate friendship. And for the short times we were together we shared happy memories. He is a wonderful person and beautiful inside and out.  I have come to value him so much that the news of him in a relationship broke my heart.

Instead of a happy weekend which I was hoping for, it was a totally sad one. Personally, I have always boasted of my competent coping mechanisms. Having been through tough years of struggles over my sexuality issues alone along with many other personal problems I encountered along the way, I have learned to be self-contained when it comes to coping and troubleshooting. However that weekend, everything didn’t seem to work. I blamed myself, I was angry at myself, I pitied myself. It really felt so pathetic.

I blamed myself for causing myself pain. It was obviously self-inflicted. In the first place, we were just friends. I shouldn’t have fallen for him. Secondly, I was the one who essentially paved the way for his “exit.” I was angry at myself for being so busy with things I do that I hadn’t had the time to scrutinize and assess where my emotion was heading. I was unaware (or maybe I just had it suppressed) of my growing feelings for him. Had I been conscious of it (or had I not suppressed it), I should have taken the necessary steps to ensure things will not go awry. I could have told him early on, work on it, and if things won't be favorable or impossible then I could have tapered down my feelings, perish it altogether over time, and keep the friendship, et cetera et cetera. And for failure to do such things, I pitied myself. I was so slow. I felt I was stupid. I felt loss.

That fateful Thursday evening was one of the worst nights I’ve ever had.  I couldn’t sleep. I can’t have peace of mind. I can’t comfort myself. I can’t help ruminating over so many things. I can’t stop lacrimating, I can’t help my heart! I felt so pathetic. I sent him a couple of quite emotional messages telling how I feel for him and how bad I am feeling at that moment given the turn of events. It wasn’t on asking him back since that would be unethical to do, but I just want to let him know what I feel and what I was going through that night. Somehow it helps to be able to vent out my burgeoning heavy emotions even through text messages. He responded but with few words. I can still remember how bluntly one of his messages struck me as it reads, “lilipas din yan, just like anything else.” I asked to see him over the weekend but he refused over reasons of important family events, telling me to wait till Monday of the succeeding week. There, I began to slowly feel the slightly cold air of change in his attitude. Friday came and I was still morbidly sullen and “grieving”. At noontime, my feelings got worse which convinced me I cannot wait for Monday. I have to see him the soonest possible time. I cannot be in that state of emotion. It was horrible. I need to talk to him. So, I asked to meet him that afternoon. At first he refused for the same reasons but at my pleadings, he finally agreed.  I told him to at least allow me to do it my way. I need to help myself, and a talk with him is the only way i could think of at the moment. I cannot go on like that. I told him that I just need “closure” at least on myself if there's such a thing as that. It sounds ridiculous since in the first place, there never was “US.” But I made myself clear that it was just “closure on myself” of some sort. I asked if I could hug him for the last time, but I was turned down. We talked that afternoon. It went ok but the atmosphere was different.  I could feel a significant change. I knew I am really losing him. I wasn’t even able to persuade him to stay a bit longer after the talk to accompany me on my “5pm brunch” since I hadn’t eaten breakfast and lunch. He assured me that things won’t change, the friendship stays as is, we’re still as good as before, and then bade me farewell. Headed  home, I walked down the sidewalk alone, sad, and still in denial of what’s going on.  I could not believe how fast the turn of events was. It dawned on me that I am really losing him.

That afternoon was the last time I saw him in person. Our online conversations ceased altogether as well. It took me around 3 days to finally gather myself up again and accept the fact that he is already with someone and he is happy with him, and that adjustments had to be made and changes have to be expected. In the weeks that followed, feelings of nostalgia often visit me and I felt the similar sting of pain, though milder. I asked to see him a couple times, but he declined for some reasons. I tried to get things back to normal. I text him every once in a while (although he no longer initiated to send me one) for which I only get short, telegraphic 2-3 word replies. I wasn’t asking him to break ties with his present relationship and turn his affections towards me.  What I only want is for things to be as before. He is a special friend to me, a confidant, an inspiration (i.e. he’s been through a lot in life and his life story inspires me), an adviser, a mentor, etc. But sadly, it appears he doesn’t want that anymore. So finally, after more than a month of seemingly futile attempts at reestablishing the scarred friendship, I have finally decided to stop. He hadn’t even greeted me on my birthday, which ultimately made me think I have to let him go as he has let go of me and  I am no longer sure what’s left of the friendship.

At some point, I realized that perhaps he was really looking for something which he had not found in me.  I began to think that perhaps the reason for the existence of the friendship was merely stemming from whatever form of benefit it has provided. I am just sad that for the first time in my life, I had completely opened myself up and shared myself entirely with someone whom I thought would stay whatever happens.  However, there are really things in life that are certain. Only true friends stay, no matter what. True friends accepts you for who and what you are. And true friends do not allow circumstances to dictate the outcome of the friendship but rather bend circumstances to maintain the friendship.

If it is wrong to fall in love with a friend, then I regret to think that I made that big mistake. If it is a risk to get so close to someone whom you feel emotional connection with, then I think I obviously failed to pre-calculate my actions. If perhaps it is a crime to fall in love with a friend and tell him about it, then I guess I am guilty beyond reasonable doubt. However, if what greatly matters is timing, wherein telling a friend of the love you are feeling (at the height of his newfound relationship) could potentially scar the friendship and extinguish any flickering flame of interest that remains, then what a painful lesson to learn.

Now I can only extrapolate how things might have actually turned out had I dealt with them  the other way around, each after much careful thought. What if I kept my feelings to myself? What if I have not told  him about it? What if I had not introduced him to someone? What if... what if? If only I could turn back time I should have done this and done that. If only I had been more careful I wouldn't  have done this or done that. If only I was more conscious and aware of my emotions, if only I had been more articulate about my feelings,  if only I had been more wise... if only... 

However, life must go on.  As he said, “lilipas din yan, tulad ng lahat ng bagay” (it shall pass, just like everything else), and so now it finally has. I admit that I miss his company, I miss the friendship, I miss him big time!  But sadly, there is always time for everything. There’s a time to build and there’s a time to destroy, a time for pain and a time for joy.  And as there is a time to say hello, there is also a time to say goodbye.

The Superficiality of the M2M World and the Unfortunate Fate of the Aesthetically Challenged

"Look at that beauty and the disaster she's with," was the sarcastic remark of a chef in a restaurant where Rob Schneider and his gorgeous girlfriend had a dinner date in the movie The Animal.  Apparently, the chef cannot accept the disparity that a beautiful lady would date a seemingly unpresentable gentleman, whom he esteems to be much less than himself. Does this fictional set-up also apply to reality?  Definitely yes!  Go strolling in the malls or just observe the people around you and you will see a lot more of "apparent disparities" like this. You see pretty ladies with not-so-good-looking boyfriends, and vice versa. They seem to get along well and they are happy in the relationship.  This gives us an idea that the relationship is built on more than just superficial physical attraction. If this is the case in the heterosexual realm, how similar or how different is it in the m2m world?

Generally speaking, men are basically visual and sexually-motivated for the large part.  They are internally wired and designed to be like that. They are keen on visual stimuli. On the other hand, women are rather more emotional than visual.  They value emotional connection and affection more than physical traits, and they are more keen on tactile (touch) stimuli. In a heterosexual setting, this apparent difference between the male and female sexes works perfectly fine. Men (regardless of their looks) get attracted to beautiful women, court them, and do all they can to win their hearts.  The women, on the other hand, even if the courting guy isn’t that good-looking, develop feelings through time as they feel valued and treated specially. The affection and attention they get from the guys along with the positive character traits the guys possess are enough to attract these women and make them fall for the guys. (This is also the mechanism why many women get fooled by men who are “expert” on this. Agree?). If  heterosexual relationships work upon this principle, how similar or how different is it in the M2M set-up where mostly involved are visually-keen men?

 As said earlier, males are highly visual and sexual.  The principal catalyst of attraction between men are the masculine physical attributes.  When a homosexual/bisexual guy sees another guy, some or all of the following are what go on in his mind:  Is he good looking? Are his eyes beautiful? Is he “macho”? Is he muscular? Is he slim? Is his skin smooth and fair? Is he neat? Does he dress nicely? Are his shoulders broad, is his hip tight? Are his butts beautiful? Is he sexy? So on and so forth. Given the nature of the male sex, this physical attraction can be strong enough that it may effectively or instantly catalyze a turn of events towards the formation of a romantic relationship or mere engagement in sexual encounters or casual sex.

The physical attraction that binds an m2m relationship (be it sexual or non-sexual) tends to be shallow and the relationship is prone to break up once the physical attraction wears out and another attractive guy comes into the scene.  Generally speaking, only seldom do you see an m2m relationship that is genuinely founded on love and not on sexual or physical attraction. And usually, it is this minority of relationship that usually lasts, with the added components of trust, commitment, and fidelity.

These physical criteria that the m2m world uses can be unforgivingly harsh on the aesthetically challenged.  We find these men usually discriminated upon for being physically unattractive.  I can just imagine how bad they must have felt to be rejected at times, if not most of the time. I count myself fortunate enough to be endowed with acceptable physical traits. I can only empathize and sympathize with these unfortunate brothers of ours who may have several times in their lives have suffered emotional pains and low self-esteem.  It is a sad truth and a frank reality that the m2m world operates largely upon superficial physical attraction, leaving the aesthetically challenged ones no choice but to resort to certain means of trade-off, compromise, or compensation just to experience the joys of having a relationship, among other m2m experiences.

It is true that discrimination based on looks can be found in both the heterosexual and homosexual worlds, but it is likewise very true that it is more pronounced on the m2m world. Men will always be men, in as much as women shall always be women. The fact that men operates primarily on visual cues is something that cannot be changed unless there is a change in their male psyche, which would rather make them males no longer.  

Hence, the m2m world is left with the challenge of going beyond the superficiality of physical-sexual attraction and be less discriminative of the aesthetically challenged.

How much willing are you to accept it?

The Ultimate Source of Unhappiness

Many say that the true measure of success is happiness.  Just how happy you are in certain aspects in your life truly speaks of how successful you are in those areas.  There are many apparently successful individuals who tend to have all but are actually unhappy with their life.

What then makes one unhappy? Where does this unhappiness springs from?

In life we set expectations.  We expect to get this, to have that; to achieve this, to accomplish that; to earn this, to get hold of that; to be able to do this, to be able to learn that; and the long list of expectations continues. We set goals and objectives and we expect to achieve and realize them in a set period of time. (Romantic relationships, in particular, can have a lot of expectations.  Each one expects a certain degree of intimacy, attention, and time; a certain amount of material things; a certain level loyalty and honesty; and an indefinite amount of love.)

When things don’t go the way we want and expect it to, and circumstances do not favor our plans, goals and objectives, frustrations and disappointments come in. Life becomes gloomy and anergic.  The zest to continue on disappears. Unhappiness becomes eminent.

Very clearly, we see that failed expectations ultimately give rise to a state of unhappiness.

If right now you find yourself unhappy, one way or another, think back and you will surely find a few or many unmet expectations in your life, be it the past or in the present.  It could be work-related, relationship-related, love life, on family matters, career, studies, or on any other endeavors and aspects in your life, etc. Particularly, relationship-related ones may have affected you significantly. You proceed and ask, what’s went wrong?

Did you fail to voice out your expectations? Did you expect too much, more that what you deserve? Did you esteem yourself too high than what you actually are? Did you fail to set realistic and reasonable goals? Did your efforts accompany your goals and expectations? Did you work hard to attain them? Are you a discontent person? Aren’t you happy with less? Are you too hard on yourself? If majority of your answers to these questions are YES, then it would explain why you are unhappy.

If happiness is a choice, and unhappiness follows unmet expectations, then you can choose to be happy. Don’t expect too much, and you spare yourself from trouble. Lower your expectations and avoid frustrations. Work hard to realize your goals, however be realistic enough that these goals are within your capacity to reach. Be honest enough to set your expectations within reasonable levels. And finally, make known your expectations for people tend to rise up according to your expectations. Learn to be content, but don’t settle for mediocrity.

Life is too short.  If you have been unhappy in the past or at the present, then do something to set things right. Choose to be happy. Set your expectations right.  Happiness is within your reach!  JJJ

HIV-AIDS: How much do you know about it?

Recently, we hear in the news a rise of HIV cases in the Philippines. Leading is Metro Manila, followed by Metro Cebu, and Metro Davao. Most of these reported cases were males. Authorities attribute this increase to the internet where finding of sex dates becomes easier, particularly among the homosexual and the bisexual population. Males having sex with other males is no longer a new thing in the country. So just in case, here are few salient fast facts about HIV:AIDS you might find useful.

What is HIV? What is AIDS?

HIV stands for Human Immunodeficiency Virus. It is the culprit virus responsible for causing the disease called AIDS. The virus specifically attacks the cells of the immune system of a person leaving his immunity down, consequently making him susceptible to acquire other diseases and other forms of infections. This is in form or tumors, cancers, bacterial, fungal, protozoal, and other viral infections. This immune system debilitation process may take years, ranging from <1 to 10 years or more, depending on the immune status of the person and the availability of treatments. By the time that HIV has severely disabled the immune system and diseases are coming in, the HIV-infected person is now said to have a full-blown AIDS. 

AIDS stands for acquired immunodeficiency syndrome. It describes an acquired state of severely compromised immune system function with concomitant onslaught of a constellation of diseases (syndrome) that eventually results to the death of the affected individual.

*note: When an individual turns out positive for HIV on blood test but does manifest the signs and symptoms of the disease, he is referred to as "HIV-positive" only and not an AIDS case... yet. Only when opportunistic diseases start to appear can an HIV-positive individual be said to have AIDS.

How can you get infected?

HIV is found in the blood and other body fluids of an HIV-positive individual. Hence, it follows that you may get the virus when you have a direct contact with the blood, mucous membrane (i.e. the membrane lining of all other surfaces of the body not covered by skin, such as the oral cavity, vagina, anal cavity, etc.), and bodily fluids of an HIV-positive person.  

Body fluids that may contain HIV includes:

1.       Blood (primarily)

2.       Semen

3.       Vaginal fluid

4.       Preseminal fluid (aka precum)

5.       Breast milk

The transmission of the virus from the affected to the unaffected person occurs when the virus gains access to the into the body and into the living tissues of the unaffected individual. This can be brought about by direct injection of virus by contaminated sharp objects or when there is a break in the normal barriers of the body brought about by large and even microscopic tears  in the skin or the mucous membrane lining. 

Activities that predispose a person to acquiring the virus include:

1.)    Anal, vaginal or oral sex (arranged in decreasing order or chance or risk)

2.)    Blood transfusion

3.)    Contaminated hypodermic needles and sharps

4.)    Tattoos, piercings

5.)    Intravenous drug use (among drug addicts)

6.)    Exchange of blood between mother and baby during pregnancy

7.)    Childbirth

8.)    Breastfeeding

9.)    Other forms of exposure to one of the above body fluids.

How can you avoid getting infected?
Ways to avoid getting the virus are very logical. Here are some pointers relevant to the m2m setting that you ought to keep in mind.

On sex:

1.       Do not take undue risk. Casual sex with random strangers pose much much danger.  You don't know their background, lifestyle, and activities.

2.       Avoid unprotected sex with anyone suspected or at high risk of having HIV. Sex workers, multiple sexual partners, serial monogamous sexual relationships, drug addicts, those with multiple piercings and tattoes, etc. are among those at high risk for possibly harboring the virus.

3.       If casual sex is inevitable, practice safe sex at all times.  Use condoms at least.

4.       Avoid or minimize kinky sexual activities (or unduly rough sex) that may result to tears in the mucous membranes or cause injury and bleeding however mild it may be. The following are some practical facts about certain sexual practices (the rest not mentioned are for your mind to tinker upon):

§  Anal sex is particularly implicated in HIV transmission.  Rough unprotected ("un-condomed") anal sex causes tears in the anal cavity lining, predisposing to HIV transmission.  Unlike the vagina, the anus is not designed to be exposed to repeated heavy friction. Unprotected anal sex is a dangerous practice!

ü TRIVIA: uncircumcised males have a greater chance of contracting HIV. The foreskin exposes the glans of the penis to added friction and hence, the higher chance of tears.

§  The oral cavity is much more able to withstand tears, although this does not eliminate the probability of getting the virus. Oral sex can be safer, but not at all that safe. Moderation is the answer.

§  Kissing is practically safe, as long as there's no bleeding.

§  Mutual masturbation may be considered the safest of all sexual activities.

5.       Abstinence is still the best way to avoid exposure.  However for obvious reasons, this is quite impossible, unless you're a priest... a truly celibate priest. ;-)

6.       Be faithful to your partner. Only by doing so can you avoid or minimize the chance of getting the virus and passing it on to your partner.

On body piercing and tattoos:

1.       Ensure your safety. Only have these procedures done by qualified, duly trained personnel.

2.       Make sure your tattoo artist practice scrupulous disinfection of the tattoo machine used, or whatever that is called. The same applies to piercings.

3.       It is best (or a must) to always use new "sharps" in the procedure.

On hypodermic needle use:

1.       Avoid getting pricked by contaminated needles.

2.       If you're an intravenous drug user (i hope you're not), don't share needles with others.

Is there a cure?


Unfortunately, there is still no cure for the AIDS.  Drugs available only delays the progression of the disease. Attempts are made at developing vaccines. Intensive researches are still on-going.

My take home message for you…

We only have one life. Moments of careless pleasures can ruin a lifetime of health and happiness. So, be "good" at most times. Be "safe" at all times. Enjoy life to the fullest, but enjoy life wisely. Cheers!

The Sex Cement Effect: It's fate on Casual Sex

Disclaimer: This article is quite biased against casual sex but is not intended to condemn such or intended to elicit hostile reactions... peace. :-)

You might be wondering what this article is all about. Well, I just thought how many guys in the m2m world must have probably found themselves disappointed and unhappy over and over again when they engage in what is suppose to be just a casual sex and eventually find themselves emotionally attached and wrecked.

I have thought of this when a good friend of mine (who came out to me, but unknown to him we're alike..wink*wink* ) tells me about his devastation in his series of failed m2m relationships. I found out that what usually happens is that those relationships all initially started with casual sex. Then if they click, they try to elevate the random encounter into a relationship. However, it doesn't last because sooner he will either feel the other guy growing cold or find out the other guy is secretly seeing another one. Well, having met those guys from a gay dating site, with headless steamy pics on their profiles, it can be expected why (I am not trying to generalize, ok?). So apparently, physical attraction and sexual object preceded the getting-to-know stage and bonding stage and has become the foundation of the relationship. Shouldn't it be ideally the other way around? Shouldn't it be that two people should get to know each other first before entering into a relationship? Shouldn't it be that sex only follows as the ultimate sign of the blooming relationship?

I came to think of sex as a some sort of a relationship cement. The sexual act is suppose to cement and fortify a relationship rather than serve as the initiator, nurturer, developer of it . Sex is designed to ultimately bring out deeper emotions that binds lovers together in a bond that further strengthens the established relationship. Sex opens up emotional avenues that remain closed in platonic relationships. Sex allows deeper emotional attachment that promotes cohesion between lovers.

In casual sex, the integral emotional component of sex is removed. Sex becomes viewed to be just a plain activity to derive pleasures from. An exchange of body fluids. A means of release. A way to explore. Over time, sex loses it's special purpose and more often than not, it becomes a commonplace thing to do. The sex cement effect is lost. Hence, we see open relationships, multiple partners, polygamous behaviors, so on and so forth. End result? Short-lived, broken relationship.

If you intend to enter into a relationship that lasts, a relationship that is founded on friendship, true love and not just plain superficial sexual and physical attraction, don't put sex at the top of your relationship start-up checklist. Don't make sex as the initial test to see whether the two of you shall click.

In addition, don't fall prey to a guy that feeds on sex. Don't play in his playground. Unless you are "skilled" and "experienced" enough in the game of casual sex, you might just end up emotionally wrecked.

Don't get me wrong. I am not saying that sex is the most important aspect of a relationship. Definitely not. A good relationship is built on trust, acceptance, fidelity, open communication, and true love. However, sex is integral to a healthy relationship, particularly in the m2m set-up.

The bottom line?

Sex is a special human experience, and it plays a special role in romantic relationships. Make it ordinary, and you make your life less happy. Take advantage of the sex cement effect. Use it wisely and carefully, and you will enjoy a rewarding, happy romantic relationship!