Loneliness

If you are a truly discreet homosexual I am pretty sure that you would agree if I say that being one has its obvious pros and cons. 

Being discreet, you are spared from being labeled as "gay" by society and you get to enjoy a quiet, private life safe from all the negative connotations, prejudice, and discrimination associated with such label. However, sometimes being discreet also entails some degree or feelings of loneliness. You feel the need for someone, be it a friend or a lover, who can best understand your feelings, issues, and concerns in life. This is particularly true especially if you have a very limited circle of "similar" friends (if ever you have one) whom you can turn to for comfort and support. Yes, you have your regular "straight" friends but it's a different story, a different set up, a different scenario, and a different degree of emotional bond and "connection." Even if you have managed to gather enough strength to come out to them and even if they totally accept and embrace you for who and what you are, there really are times when you feel alone and empty. In Tagalog, "may kulanng.” There is that that vacuum inside that only a special person alone can fill.

Apparently, this is a universal experience among truly discreet homosexuals and bisexuals who are in the closet. Bouts of loneliness do come every now and then. The emotional need to have someone who understands and to relate with happens every once in a while. We find this need expressing in many forms like joining in internet gay dating sites in hopes of finding the right one, although the task can get especially daunting considering the sheer amount of screening and searching need to find the right person.  Sometimes this loneliness gets channeled into casual sex and “one-night stands.” Others resort to keeping themselves busy with many things to divert the emotion. There can be no other worse feelings like loneliness. It’s frustrating, and it sucks! However, life is like a wheel. If today brings you sadness, there's always hope for happy tomorrow.

If you are feeling lonely right now, don’t despair. You are not alone. Cheer up! Sooner or later someone will come to drive that loneliness away. There’s always one for everybody. Just hang in there, he’s on his way! J

A Glance on Friendship

The reason for this article being written was a recent event concerning a good friend of mine. Unknown to my blind heart, I didn't know I had fallen in love with him. Only did the painful realization come to the surface when I learned that he has recently entered into a relationship. What made the pain worse was when he told me that it is with the person I myself had introduced a couple of days earlier. Instantly, I felt a bitter mix of emotions of remorse, loss, self-pity, depression, anger, and severe nostalgia. I know it was my fault. Apparently, I committed the blunder of allowing our friendship to become romantic. Little did I know that I had already crossed its vague boundaries blindly without realizing the emotional impact it may have on me. And for that experience, here are some of my thoughts on friendship...

True friendship springs up when two souls find comfort and support in each other.  It is built on trust, concern, self-disclosure, and open communication. It allows us to experience the  happiness of being loved, understood, and accepted.

Friendship is as good as long as boundaries are set clear and understood. Crossing the limits, maybe because they are ambiguous or implicit or perhaps because of a lack of discernment of either of the parties involved, may lead to undue misunderstanding, heartaches or scarred relationships.

In particular, sexual relations between friends tend to alter the relationship, either by “taking it to the next level” or by severing it. For some, it is alright to have sexual relations as long as no deeper emotional strings are involved, giving birth to the term "friends with benefit." For some, friendship ends when sexual relation begins. Depending on the mind set, values, attitude, perceptions and beliefs of the persons involved, sexual relations between friends may either enhance or depreciate the friendship.

On a positive note, a genuine platonic friendship grows and matures through time and lasts throughout the lifetime. It gives that rewarding experience and fulfillment that only genuine friends know. The depth of the relationship may come to the point that a friend becomes "closer than a brother." In many cases, a platonic friendship may also pave the way to a lasting, stable, romantic relationship. It just needs to be with the right person, at the right place, and at the right time.

Friends share common background and goals, and these are what bind them together.  From a discreet yuppie's point of view, friendship comes easy with another discreet yuppie who shares the same issues and concerns in life.   The feeling of belongingness and "sameness" is a strong binding force that keeps them together. Circumstances may affect the course of a friendship, but a true friend won’t allow these circumstances to dictate the outcome of the relationship. True friends stay, false friends leave.

At its best, friendship is a gift freely given to all. It is a blessing given to enrich our lives. It needs to be nurtured for it to grow and mature through time. It needs to be treasured. It needs to be loved.  After all, our human experience is never complete and joyful without true friends who add colors and vibrant details in the tapestry we call life.

Your Attitude Dictates Your Altitude

What differentiate successful yuppies from others are their professional careers. You see them as well-known physicians, high-paid lawyers, well-off business owners, well-respected company executives, bankers, managers, supervisors, educators, engineers, etc.  What makes them successful?

From a book by James Dornan, I read a passage that says there is a little difference between people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is ATTITUDE. The big difference is, whether it is POSITIVE or NEGATIVE.

Successful yuppies possess the attitude that allows them to always see things positively. Their positive attitude enables them to see opportunities in difficulties, solutions in problems, and challenges in obstacles. They often think big, beyond the limits posed by adversities. Their mind often dwells in what they can do rather what they cannot do.  Their life is governed by optimism, persistence, determination, and achievements rather than doubts and failures.

An old adage says, an optimist sees the doughnut while the pessimist sees the hole. It applies that how much good is derived out of life depends on the attitude one has. An optimist reaps successes and achievements while a pessimist focuses on faults, mistakes, and failures.

If life is a flight, only by having a positive attitude can you fly to greater heights.

Are your muscles red or white?

We cannot deny the fact that well-built muscles really make us look good! They make us look virile, giving us that more “astig” masculine look. They are a symbol of strength and power that any passerby won’t fail to notice and appreciate. Some people even stare at muscular men as if they are eye candies, looking at them like some sort of gods! Anyway, before we set our imaginations loose and engage in muscle worship, let’s go back to the title question and try to answer it.  So  next time you stare at yourself in the mirror or look at other guys, you will have a little brain activity to do by asking what kind of fiber could be making up the muscles you're staring at. What kind of trainings does he do? What kind of training shall  you do to attain this and that?

Muscles are essentially organs themselves.  A bicep is one organ while the tricep is another organ. As organs are made up of cells, so are muscles made up of fibers. These fibers can either be of the red type or the white type, literally classified according to their color (although you cannot really see it on a skin-covered living person). The red muscles fibers are designed for power and strength, whereas the white muscles fibers are designed for endurance. The former is essentially stronger than the latter, while the latter essentially tires longer than the former. The former looks bulkier while the latter looks leaner. Isometric and weight lifting exercises basically builds the former while aerobic, cardio exercises generally builds the latter. In any given muscle, both types of fibers are present; However, either one may predominate when it is often called to action depending on the type of training and activities that muscle is trained to do.

Muscular individuals vary in their built based on their training and hence, the predominant type of fibers that they most likely have. Of course, not to mention they also differ due to their fat mass and distribution, which is not covered in this article. Endurance athletes like cyclers, swimmers, and runners are trained for speed and endurance. They obvious have an abundance of the white fibers in their muscles.  So physically, they look lean. On the other hand, body builders are trained for power and strength. So it follows that their muscles are primarily pumped up with the red fibers. Their bodies would have a heavier built. Martial arts fighters and boxers which require both power and endurance have a good proportion of the two fibers, depending on the kind of trainings they get, whether more on endurance, more on power, of an equal of both. So their muscular bodies are intermediate of the first two mentioned earlier.

Now, you might ask, “Which is better, training to bulk my muscles up with the red fibers or with the white fibers?” It doesn’t really matter. What is most important is that your muscle training is best suited for the kind of activities you want to engage in, whether you require more strength or more endurance.

Cheers to muscle-building! ;-)

Discreet Yuppies Skin Care Basics

If there is a single organ-system in our beautiful human body that receives the most attention and the greatest amount of monetary investment in terms of commercial products, it is the skin!  It is no-brainer to ask why. If you want to look gorgeously handsome and attractive, you gotta take good care of your skin and maintain its natural beauty, especially the facial area. 

Now, I am not an expert at skin care. And most discreet yuppies really take good care of their skin well. So as a refresher, I would just like to enumerate some basic skin care tips and practices, some or all of which you might have already know of:

a.       Keep your skin clean. The most basic that you can do to keep your skin healthy is to keep it clean.  Dirt, oil, pollutant residues, germs, old dead skin and other materials in the environment can pile up on the skin surface.  They can clog pores, cause acne, of infect pimples, and makes the skin look dull, old, and ugly. So it is a good practice  to keep the skin clean for that ever fresh and young look.

Use a mild facial cleanser for this purpose. As much as possible, don’t use soap as this tends to strip away the skin’s natural oils that protects it from harmful microorganism and prevents it from drying.

b.      Keep your skin moisturized.  As what most dermatologists say, a skin that is dry is bound to itch and easily irritated. Dry skin looks dull and may even show scaling. Therefore, it is a wise practice to always keep the skin properly hydrated to keep its softness and youthful glow.  An over the counter moisturizing facial cream would do the trick. Moisturize the skin in the morning and in the evening.

c.       Don’t strip your skin of it natural protection. The skin is an excellent shield from many harmful elements in the environment.  To mention a few, the melanin pigment it has helps shield out harmful UV rays from the sun while the fatty secretions it produces helps keep most harmful microorganisms away. The even possess its own self-sterilizing ability by its constant regular shedding, in addition to its fatty acid secretion, thus ridding itself of colonizing germs. As new skin is formed beneath, the old skin above is pushed, replaced and sloughed off.

Too much cleansing by using harsh soap or by too much scrubbing and excessive exfoliation strips the skin of it natural protection making it prone to harm. Therefore, try to avoid these things. As to products, I personally recommend mild moisturizing soap like Dove White. It has both the benefits of being mild while at the same it moisturizes.

d.      Protect your skin from UV rays. Health-wise, we need the sun’s ultraviolet rays for our skin to manufacture Vit. D, which the body needs to keep our bones and teeth strong and healthy. However, too much of this invisible radiation can have deleterious effects on the skin. Aside from its skin-darkening effect, much UV exposure promotes skin aging making you look older, faster. Much worse, excessive sun exposure is a proven risk factor for developing skin cancer.

To protect your skin, use facial moisturizers/lotions with sunscreen protection when you go outdoors so you can stay protected from the harmful effects of too much UV exposure. Don’t have a false sense of security when it is cloudy or when you are in a shady area since UV rays can penetrate through.

If you are using skin exfoliants, then much more do you need to protect your skin.

FYI: It is safe to bathe in the sun at certain hours, which is before 8-9 am and after 3-4 pm. During these hours, the amount of UV radiation is considered to be within healthy low levels.

e.      Exfoliate every once in a while.  The most superficial layer of the skin is composed of dead cells.  Normally, it is regularly shed off and replaced by the newer skin beneath.  To keep yourself looking young, it is good practice to exfoliate your skin every once in a while to get rid of the old and expose the newer, younger skin for a younger, fresher look.  One author even claims that proper skin exfoliation may rewind your looks by 15 years! J You may visit your dermatologist for this purpose or you may use over the counter exfoliant soaps, solutions, or creams. However, do so with care. It is always best to consult your doctor.

Hydroquinone / tretinoin-containing exfoliant products tend to cause skin darkening upon sun exposure. I personally use glycolic acid soap as an exfoliant.

Don’t exfoliate too much as this does more damage than good.  And never forget to use a sunscreen protection while you are exfoliating.

f.        Essential Health Habits

                                                              i.      Eat healthy foods.  This is an over-all health-maintenance practice that should be done not only to keep the skin in its best condition but the entire body as well. More vegetables, fruits, legumes, and other plant products, moderate lean meat, and less sweets and fatty, oily food stuff.

                                                            ii.      Drink plenty of fluids. Our body is more than 70% water. Hence to keep it in tiptop shape, you got to meet it daily fluids requirement of at least 6-8 glasses of water per day. Minimize intake of other forms of fluids like carbonated drinks, coffee, tea, alcoholic beverages, etc. PLAIN WATER IS BEST.

                                                          iii.      Adequate rest.  Sleep at least 6-8 hours per day.  The body repairs itself during sleep. Don’t deprive your body of its rejuvenation time.

                                                           iv.      Exercise.  Engage in 30-45 minutes of aerobic exercise at least 3-4x/week. Dude, it’s time to get that body up, flex some muscles, and breathe fresh air!

With a skin that is well taken care of, the next head-turner discreet yuppie could be YOU!

Naks… J

Christian Philippines, Summary of Conclusions, and Resolutions: The Truth Behind an Alleged Philippine Epidemic of Bisexuals (Part 4)

(Disclaimer: My dear readers, I don't intend this article to be offending or misleading in anyway. I am simply thinking out loud. I apologize in advance if there are concepts, statements, and theoretical deductions that you may find inaccurate, biased, opinionated, or unacceptable. However, if your feelings and thoughts agree with what's written, cheers!!! The names and situations used in this article are not intended to identify a particular persona. They are mainly for illustrative writing purposes. JJJ)

Philippines is a moderately conservative country where most of the people are Christians, majority of whom are Catholics. This makes the Philippine society quite an unforgiving environment for homosexuals particularly for the Christian ones. However, although bisexuality and homosexuality are both viewed as sexual deviance, both enjoy different levels of societal acceptance and approval. Considering its heterosexual component, bisexuality is perceived by many as sort of a better state than homosexuality. Over time, for some reasons the homosexual society apparently bifurcated homosexuality into “bi” homosexual and “gay” homosexual forms. The former comprise the masculine, straight-acting (discreet or di halata), "more favored" ones while the latter comprise the "obvious" (halata), effeminate ones and is associated with negative connotations and lesser societal sanction.

Thinking back of the question thrown to me at the start, I have now come to a conclusion. Many homosexuals in the Philippines hide under the guise of bisexuality for reasons of personal preference and fear of the social stigma associated with the "gay" label, to gain approval and avoid rejection, when they are in the state of anger and denial, and during their transition towards self-acceptance. As as result, this label preference and substitution phenomenon ultimately leads to a sizable relative increase in the number of bisexuals in the country today.

Over the years, Philippines has become liberal in its stand on homosexuality and bisexuality. However, still a lot of Filipino male homosexuals today are still feeling the wind of discrimination.   The observed euphemistic label preference and substitution phenomenon* is but a proof that these individuals are just finding means to navigate peacefully through life while they seek for meaning and purpose in life. This they do as they come to terms with their sexuality, in their journey towards self-acceptance, and as they continue their quest for true happiness in life.

*NOTE: "Euphemistic label preference and substitution phenomenon" is only a self-coined term. Take caution in quoting, as such may not be understood by others or may even be an inaccurate term.

A Transition: The Truth Behind an Alleged Philippine Epidemic of Bisexuals (Part 3)

Disclaimer: My dear readers, I don't intend this article to be offending or misleading in anyway. I am simply thinking out loud. I apologize in advance if there are concepts, statements, and theoretical deductions that you may find inaccurate, biased, opinionated, or unacceptable. However, if your feelings and thoughts agree with what's written, cheers!!! The names and situations used in this article are not intended to identify a particular persona. They are mainly for illustrative writing purposes. JJJ

The label substitution phenomenon gives a homosexual some sort of emotional (cushioning) comfort   while he goes through the long process of coming to terms with his sexuality over time. Let us peek through John's experience.

Before finally coming to self-acceptance, John goes through periods of emotional turbulence, which may last for a short time, years or maybe throughout his lifetime, depending on his coping and adaptation mechanisms. Up to some point in his life, he is in denial of his homosexuality.  He feels a great deal of anger and varying degrees of depression as he finds his feelings contradicting his ideals and society’s norm. He perceives his feelings as abnormal and unacceptable. Up to some point in his life, there is that constant yearning and struggle to change and live a more or less heterosexual life. He tries as hard as he can to live the kind of life approved by society. However as he sees his efforts are but futile, he enters into despair and depression. But John is a strong individual. He gets up and continues on with life. Though near hopeless, he still looks forward for ways to deal with his issues.

John perceives that the seemingly "hostile" society regards bisexuality as still having a considerable degree of heterosexuality, “normality” and acceptability. He also feels that the "Filipino homosexual world" treats the professed bisexuals (i.e. bisexual, as claimed) a bit more favorably over the professed "gay" ones.  So in his state of denial, anger, and depression John is pushed to find comfort, security, and acceptance by claiming to be a bisexual. And somehow over time, as he journeys and learns through life and all its experiences, he learns to finally accept himself and come to terms with his sexuality.

John's life shows a transition that happens to many homosexuals like he is, although his story may not apply to all.

Negative Connations and Misconceptions: The Truth Behind an Alleged Philippine Epidemic of Bisexuals (Part 2)

Disclaimer: My dear readers, I don't intend this article to be offending or misleading in anyway. I am simply thinking out loud. I apologize in advance if there are concepts, statements, and theoretical deductions that you may find inaccurate, biased, opinionated, or unacceptable. However, if your feelings and thoughts agree with what's written, cheers!!! The names and situations used in this article are not intended to identify a particular persona. They are mainly for illustrative writing purposes. JJJ

In every society, there are labels. Generally, every person is labeled according to the standards and norm of that society. Filipinos, in particular, are fond of labels. One bad thing with labels is that a person tends to be judged and defined according the label given him. And unfortunately, associated with some labels are negative connotations, prejudices, and biases.  One of the negatively connoted, misconceived labels is the “gay” label.

I have observed that in the Philippines, being labeled as "gay" (bakla, bading) is negatively connoted as being a loud, forward, and sometimes inappropriately frank, effeminate individual. The individual is often mocked with derogatory statements about sexual acts strongly associated with homosexuality like fellatio, anal, and oral sex.  Being labeled  as "gay" is sometimes equated with being a transvestite or the male practice of wearing female clothing. So how do these impact on the life of a Filipino male homosexual?

Let's take a look at Marc's example. Marc is a young Filipino professional and apparently a discreet/closeted masculine homosexual (i.e. straight -acting but not necessarily muscled). Being such, he prefers a more or less heterosexual (societally normal) image. He knows that being a male homosexual is essential being "gay." However, the attached negative connotations makes the "gay" label unacceptable or, shall we say, “unpalatable” to him. Masculine as he is, being called gay is a big blow to his ego. It is something that consciously and subconsciously he cannot accept. As an effect of this  label misconceptions and connotations, Marc tries to evade the label and resort to a more pleasant alternative one by rather calling himself a bisexual.

Can you relate with his story? Can his experience be applied to the majority?

Label Substitution Phenomenon: The Truth Behind an Alleged Philippine Epidemic of Bisexuals (Part1)

Disclaimer: My dear readers, I don't intend this article to be offending or misleading in anyway. I am simply thinking out loud. I apologize in advance if there are concepts, statements, and theoretical deductions that you may find inaccurate, biased, opinionated, or unacceptable. However, if your feelings and thoughts agree with what's written, cheers!!! The names and situations used in this article are not intended to identify a particular persona. They are mainly for illustrative writing purposes. JJJ

One foreigner I was able to converse with asked me why everyone in the Philippines is bisexual. I found it funny at first. It was an exaggerated and an unfounded statement since he only based his generalization from people he met in chat rooms. However, when I gave it a careful thought, I thought that perhaps there might be some truth to it. So with my little brain, I tried to investigate, observe, and make crude assessments.

True enough in our country, I observed that many discreet homosexuals would rather have themselves called bisexuals than "gay". In chat rooms, in gay-oriented social networking sites, and dating sites (a place visited by discreet homosexuals, like me), you will discover that many, if not majority, of Filipino male homosexuals align themselves under the “bisexual” rather than the “gay” category.

Although a bisexual can be thought of as a heterosexual and a homosexual combined, by definition and simple logic bisexuality and homosexuality are obviously not the same. The overlap between the two cannot not be a cause of confusion so as to equate one with the other. So what could have probably brought about this "label substitution phenomenon"? It cannot be attributed to ignorance or convention. Filipinos are smart, intelligent people. There must be something else.

An Unforgettable 9-hour Meet-Up Experience

Can you imagine yourself in a non-stop conversation that lasted for about a day on first meet-up?! That was my experience with a wonderful guy I met from a popular social site. We've been chatting for weeks prior to that, but I noticed that even in our first-time chat there was  instant rapport.  It was like our minds connected readily and tuned in to some sort of common “broadcasting frequency” and started mutually transmitting and receiving loads of information about our lives, experiences, likes, and dislikes.

We call each other “bud.” We often find ourselves talking on just about anything, and the conversation never goes dull or boring. We often chat till the wee hours in the morning.  He is charming, interesting, smart, witty, insightful, candid, open-minded and really fun to converse with! So unsurprisingly, when we actually met, the very same thing happened. From 9 o’clock on that fateful Saturday evening till 6 o’clock in the morning, we were engaged in what seemed like an eternity of sharing and talking!

It is really quite surprising how time passes by so quickly when you are engrossed at something or with someone.  Our hours of lively exchange of ideas and experiences seemed like minutes.  Interestingly, I felt like I was with a long-time old friend who has been away for a looong time. It felt like we were catching up for all the times missed. I can’t have enough hearing his life stories and fun experiences and so was he (I hope.lol). Needless to say he is a beautiful person both inside and out. It was awesome encounter!

When I think back of the experience, relive the ambiance, recall the laughter, it always amazes me to think how two strangers meet for the first time but feels like they’ve known each other for a lifetime. What started as an extraordinary, fun, online conversation eventually paved the way to a personally fulfilling, lasting, intimate friendship.

Most male gym-goers are DMY’s

I cannot forget what one of my professors said during a lecture on the muscular system about most male gym goers.  He claims that most of them only have health as a secondary reason for going to the gym. Primarily, he says, they actually hit the gym for the aesthetic reward that they get out of it, and consequently raise their “market value” in the terms of physical attractiveness. Then he goes on to say that “most of these male gym goers are actually gay!” He went further to say that they are mostly discreet masculine homosexual and bisexual yuppies who can’t get enough of pumping their bodies with more flesh and muscles for the benefit of attracting other guys.

Now what do you have to say? How much truth was there in his opinionated statements?

Why does holding hands feels so good?

If there is one part of your body with a great number of sensitive, astutely accurate sensory receptors communicating with the brain for interpretation and integration, it is the hand particularly its palmar side (palm) and fingers. Compared to other parts of the body, you will observe that your hand is able to differentiate a wide variety of sensations and recognize with sharp accuracy various objects placed in it even with your eyes closed. You can tell if it’s a toy, a pen, or something else. When you hold on to something sharp, you can tell if it is pointed or bladed. How is this so?

The hand is gifted with the ability to pick up the slightest difference in texture (is it coarse, soft or softer?), temperature (is it warm, warmer, or cold?), pressure (is it painful or tolerable?), touch (is it light or heavy?), vibration (is it pulsating or shaking?), and combinations of these (is it wet, dry, or slippery?).

Needless to say on a side note, the fingers have nails that can sensuously scratch during hand holding sessions! J  In addition, the hands and fingers can be very skilful in executing maneuvers and dexterous manual tasks!

Given all of the above sensations, the brain will do the rest of the magical experience.  Is he nervous or confident? Is he gentle, is he rough? Is he romantic, is he sweet? Is he into me? Is this pleasurable? Am I enjoying? So on and so forth.

Humans are definitely created with remarkable abilities to detect, perceive, and experience a myriad of sensations.  With all the sensory abilities our hands are blessed with, we cannot dismiss the notion that truly, holding hands is a wonderful human experience!

Can anyone now tell of his unforgettable hand holding experience?

Slow sensuous kisses or rough wild kisses?

His name is incognito.  They say he is a good kisser.  So far, of all people he had shared kissing moments with (n = <10), no one failed to compliment him on his kissing style. He says he doesn’t really do anything unusual or put some extra effort during the kiss. So how does he kiss? He says, his trick of the trade is simple. He treats kissing as a way of expressing intense emotions in a softer, romantic way. When he kisses, he does it nice and slowly, sensuously, and gently, without the rush, savoring every moment of lip to lip, tongue to tongue, tongue to lip contact (he finds this latter one really sexy). When asked about tips on kissing (though he doesn’t count himself an expert), he has the following say. It’s a pretty simple formula to follow.

a.       Don’t rush. It ruins the magic of the moment.

b.      Don’t be a “vacuum cleaner.” Too much suction can be more distracting to your partner than pleasurable.

c.       Use the tongue. Tongue works magic if used appropriately.  Use it wisely!

d.      Be sensitive. Learn to pick up subtle cues from your partner if you’re kissing him/her right or not.

e.      Be sweet. To others, sweet nothings said during kissing add more spice and romance to the moment.

f.        Be considerate. Others find mustache and beard stubbles as adding more pleasure to the skin to skin contact, whereas others find it painful.  Do not be shy to ask your partner about it.

g.       Give each other feedbacks.  It is the best way of letting your partner know of your preferences. If both of you are aware of what is pleasurable and what is not, you can enjoy fully the pleasures of kissing.

So, should kisses be slow and sensuous or rough and wild? It really depends on you and your partner’s preferences. However, Incognito believes that the former provokes more pleasurable sensations than the latter, adding emotional component to the experience, ultimately bringing out the best kisser in you!